Blast from the Past

I’m back – I swear this time!

I know it has been soooo long since my last update. I always say I will continue to post when I finally start to write. And well I might put up a few posts – and then I get into the habit of not updating again. This time, I am very serious though. Things have finally started to calm down in my crazy life, and I really need this outlet.

Well, where to start?  Here is a little preview of what is to come:

I moved

Got Married

Got a New Job

Am completely out of my comfort zone

I think the best way to get it all out there is to do a series of flashback segments. I went ahead and took a look back on my last posts – I left off with: 10 reasons to love dating a medical school student.

So let’s just start there:

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April 16, 2016

It was blizzarding. I mean really snowing. This isn’t he kind of snow that comes down sweetly gracing your cheek. This is the kind of snow that hits you like tiny knives and tries to blow your whole body over. I mean, where I live this is no surprise that we would get that much snow in all actuality, but in April? Common?

It was a good friend’s wedding day, to make matters better or worse – however you look at it (some people like a white wedding). Future Dr. B and I got all dressed up in our best wedding wear. He was wearing his new suit only worn during residency interview season and I got out of the car with my high heels perching me just above the snow mounds. Perfect!

Next came the Ceremony – and it was just beautiful. It was one of those enchanting ceremonies in a very elaborate Catholic church, with beautiful music, beautiful scenery, and all this love. I mean – could it really be any better? Snow storm and all, it was one of those moments where you can really just repaint the beauty in the mind better than any words can describe.

I looked over at Future Dr. B right when our friends started to say their vows. I couldn’t help but start to picture what our next few months were going to look like. We were getting married less than two months later, medical school graduation and moving was somewhere in that mix as well. This was a scary/exciting time for us, and I felt like this wedding helped stir up all those fuzzy feelings. The deep deep ones.

The mid-April snow shower during a spring wedding was the perfect metaphor of what was to come, in hindsight. Was it a calm before the storm or ice over a spring scene? A chilling beauty was evoked by the snowflakes gracing the ground around the church just as a beautiful bride exited with her new groom.

The only thing I could think of at the time was “I really hope that it doesn’t snow in June.” Brides are vain like that, what can I say? What I really wish is that I would have just absorbed the loveliness of the moment. I should have noticed the details of her dress or shared in the love of the newly married couple as I spent time with Future Dr. B before our lives turned upside down. (That is probably flashback number 3 or 4 though).

Sitting at the reception with our friends, laughing and sharing a delicious meal, I really think I probably should have just let it soak in. I didn’t really think the next and last time I would really being seeing a lot of these friends was at our own wedding, after which we would be immediately moving to a new place. I also didn’t really think about how nuts the next few months were going to get on both of us, our lives, relationship and really the test that was to come.

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I do remember one part of the night that I was really in the moment. It was “our” song on the dance floor and Future Dr. B had just gotten another drink. I took it from his hand and set it on the table, grabbing his arm to dance. He did so ever so sweetly, even if there was some reluctance as he watched us walk away from his newly poured old-fashioned. The sweet tune of Elvis Presley was in the background, singing about fools rushing into love. We definitely weren’t rushing this one, 7 years of a relationship later and a few months away from our own marriage. We slowly swayed to the song and I was getting ever more excited about our own wedding as I felt Brendan near to me dancing in the moment himself. We were dancing for a minute, maybe two, when the DJ changed up the song. Just in that moment, all of the medical school friends swarmed the dance floor. Future Dr. B joined them as quickly as he had started to dance with me, joyously shouting their favorite medical school bar tune. I walked back to the table to watch, smiling slightly as I sat down. I took a big sip from Future Dr. B’s drink and enjoyed the people watching.

That is just what it is like being in a relationship with a medical student soon to be medical professional -right?img_1122

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10 Reasons to Love Dating a Medical Student

I am at the 6 week mark until my wedding. The stress has really been building. I am in the process of negotiating job offers and trying to still stay focused on work and wedding stuff. On top of that, although Future Dr. B and I finally found a rental house to relocate to, we have been having tons of landlord issues. I’m talking this house was filthy dirty when we got the keys and smelled like an old wet dog, and she is telling us we are nutty and can either stay or get out….ughhh. Please someone prevent me from going completely nutty. I might need to be locked up, preferably in a beachy location with drinks in my hands, never to return 🙂

What way to make everything better? I decided to start my first regular segment post! I am going to call it “Ten Topic Tuesday”. After the weekend, Monday’s – well they are just bleh. I figure, why not put a positive, reflective spin on the day after your first manic day of the week – Tuesday.

For this “Ten Topic Tuesday”

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10 Reasons to Love Dating a Medical Student

  1. Full of factoids – Medical students are hands down some of the smartest people I have ever met. They spend at least half of their time in undergraduate and medical school just learning great sums of facts and information. These large amounts of knowledge make for some hilarious late night bar exchanges and can fill your factoid pool with some good conversation starters. “Did you know our blood is on a 60,000 mile journey everyday?” That one will get you a job or two. My favorite is when medical terms are mixed into casual conversation, “Hey – make sure you wear gloves, or your metacarpals will get cold,” and the non-medical person in the relationship is like whaaat?
  2. Always think you cook great – Due to their limited time between studying, class, clinic, and studying, most medical students think a banana and a cliff bar is a whole meal. When you actually prepare a dinner, and they have time to sit down and eat, you would swear you cooked better than Bobby Flay vs. Michael Symon in an Iron Chef super battle. Medical student with a mouth full of Hamburger Helper Extra Bold Cheddar says to their significant other, “Wow, this is super gourmet. You put yourself out with this meal. Is that a hint of truffle oil?” You, the significant other and Executive Chef, smile and savor the moment.
  3. Fix your boo boos – Medical students really can’t do a whole lot when it comes to fixing any serious medical problems, but that doesn’t stop really anyone from running their entire medical history and ailments by them. The best part about dating a medical student is when you tell them about your medical problems they just smile and listen. “What is this rash on my arm?” “Should my boogers look like this?” “I think I have [insert weird ailment you saw on the Dr. Oz show here].” Running your health problems by your medical school lover rarely grosses them out. Although, for some of the really bad stuff, those are report at your own risk.
  4. Give awesome back rubs – while naming all the bones, muscles, tendons, and nerves – Medical students have the hands of gods, well at least the medical student I am dating does. I think medical students feel guilty for all the time they spend away from the people they care about, so a good back rub is always in the cards. Don’t be surprised when it turns into an anatomy lesson, however.
  5. Cherish time spent together – Medical students are very much in the moment types of people. I think this is a product of the amount of work they have on any given day. I don’t think this changes when they transition to full time doctors either. Dating a medical student who is in the moment does wonders for a relationship because it makes sure that time spent together is special. Lack of physical time together is definitely a downside to dating a medical student. However, there is that saying – quality over quantity. I definitely think medical student significant others know how to prioritize quality time with their loves.
  6. Self Starter – Just getting into medical school takes a high level of academic acumen. Most medical students are impressive self starters. For anyone that wants a break from planning a date or wants someone with creative and romantic ideas, dating a medical student is the right choice. I think this goes back to quality over quantity again. With a medical student’s limited time, you can’t expect crazy romantic date nights every day. However, they seem to know when to make them count.
  7. Compassionate – Dealing with life or death situations, and literally having someones future existence in your hands, is some pretty heavy stuff. I always joke to my accounting team that we can chill out because we aren’t saving lives. I think medical school and medical work, for that matter, really changes the way that a person views situations. My experience dating a medical student is that it brings intense compassion and understanding to a person. Medical students and doctors view the world from the lens they developed in their medical training. A big part of that training is dealing with some of the toughest situations and decisions. Medical students make for understanding and sensitive lovers.
  8. Great story tellers – “You will never believe what happened to me today?” That is the way tons of conversations will start when you date a medical student. From crazy patient stories, to weird medical problems, or run of the mill Grey’s Anatomy type coworker drama, I’ve heard it all. It is like my own personal Soap, and I love it. Who needs Shonda Rhimes when you are dating a medical student? Well wait, maybe I still do, but there is always room for real life Grey’s too!
  9. Confident and strong – Making hard medical decisions takes confidence. A medical students’ confidence grows very quickly in school, and they gain a strength that is needed to fulfill there future jobs as doctors. The plus side, this new found confidence is super sexy and keeps your relationship grounded. Medical students can be the rock to get you through a difficult situation in your personal life or relationship. Sometimes that is exactly what you need in a partner at the end of the day!
  10. Committed – Most medical students face at least 4 years of undergrad, 4 years of medical school and anywhere from 3-7 plus years of residency and fellowship. If that isn’t a commitment, I’m not sure what is. Most medical students I have met are truly committed to their career aspirations, which often trickles into other aspects of their lives. Contrary to what TV shows would suggest, many medical students are serial monogamists. I think a deep commitment to their goals in life and relationships keeps them focused on the achievement they crave. This is perfect if your relationship goal is loud wedding bells and a white picket fence. With a medical student, you can have true life loyalty.

 

Dating a Stressed, Depressed, Burnout

I read this article today in US News and World Report. It was a true eye opener. For anyone out there in a relationship with a medical student, resident, or attending physician, we often encounter situations where our significant other is truly stressed, tired or depressed due to the demands of medicine. I usually try to keep this in perspective when dealing with Future Dr. B after he has a hard day. However, this article really reminds me of the difficulties our doctor or doctor in training loves really deal with.

During Future Dr. B’s second year of medical school, I could really feel the stress of it all weighing on his shoulders. We definitely had a difficult time that year navigating through a long distance relationship, coping with the demands of medical school, and all the added stress of day to day life.  I think for us, talking about it openly, together, really helped get us through that rough patch. I think for Future Dr. B, just having an outlet to express his stress and frustrations helped curb some of the anxiety that came with his second year in medical school. He did not just start expressing himself willingly, however. I think checking in on him and reminding him that I was there to sort through some of the tough stuff helped chip away at the tough facade. However, sometimes it is also tough for the the doctor’s significant other to continually take on the added responsibility for all that additional “heavy stuff” coming their way. I truly felt like I had enough of my own stress to sort through, added with a layer of Future Dr. B’s problems and worries and my plate was over full. Somewhere in there, there is a balance. I am convinced of this! Sometimes we have it in our relationship and sometimes we don’t. I think striving for that equilibrium is what will keep the relationship as healthy as it can be, especially knowing you will most likely fall somewhere in between.

Its tough being the one to bare the weight of the world, for both physical healer and soul healing partner. What a good reminder for each one of us to put the other person’s perspective at the forefront of ours and be there for each other!

Things are looking…Up!

It has been one crazy week. Really nuts to even look back day to day. These last few weeks have literally been the longest days of my life, starting in mid-march with the match all the way to today as we figure out what is next. Even just a week ago there were a ton of unknowns. Where were we going to live, what was my job going to look like, should I sell my house, should we split this year up and live apart even after marriage, should we book a new honeymoon since we had to cancel ours, and finally…when was this all going to get done?

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I am happy to report that I have checked many of these “unknown” items off my list and am finally feeling comfortable with the idea of all of this change that is about to occur.

So let me break it down. Late last week we were in talks to rent a house near the hospital where Future Dr. B will do his research fellowship this year. Its a “days” drivable distance but still far from where I currently live. We weren’t sure what was going to happen, but luckily Future Dr. B was able to get out there and see the house since I could not make the trip. The housing market is  very hot in the city we are trying to relocate to and we have been having a really hard time finding a place that is both affordable and workable for what we are trying to achieve. I am really not being very picky, but after owning a home for 6 years, I had a hard time giving up a few luxuries – an in-suite washer and dryer being one of them. Trust me – I have sacrificed A LOT – give this girl convenient laundry!  #futureresidentswifeproblems

Additionally, I had my first of two bridal showers over the weekend. We made a thing of it and went down to see the house again together with our Moms. The house was a little rough around the edges, but I think it will honestly work out for what we are trying to accomplish in the next year. I must say, it is very weird to go from being a home owner for the last 6 years to negotiating a rent deal and being so reliant on others. Overall the entire weekend was lovely, and I was so happy to be able to spend time with Future Dr. B’s family and friends in honor of our upcoming nuptials.

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In addition to all this weekend fun, late last week I found out that the proposal I had made to work remotely at my current employer was being approved. I still have a ways to go to determine a finalized schedule, but I am happy to report that I now have an alternative to finding a new job in order to be near Future Dr. B. Breathe in and Ssssigghhh. Thank GOD!

To make matters even more AWESOME – Future Dr. B and I found out we were approved to rent the house on Monday. Cha ching…finally things going in our favor. At least he won’t need to sleep in a card board box for his first few weeks working.

Not to overwhelm with this overly positive post, but I just have to sit here and smile. Its like one of those making lemonade out of a big fat bag of lemons comments. At least something is going right for us even though we aren’t in the most optimal situation. This has hands down been the most difficult year of my entire life. Anything I even remotely complained about or prepared for could not have truly made me ready for the amount of stress and mental strength I would need to keep it together during this crazy time. I know there are still so many unknowns to get through before the wedding and this summers transition, not to mention this winters re-match, but I feel confident that at least some things are turning out in the right way.

We also booked a new honeymoon. Bermuda here we come. Might not be two weeks to Europe as planned…but hey – its pretty darn awesome to me!

Game…Set…Match…Wait What?

Oh what to say.

It has been a while since I posted on this blog. Part of me wondered if maybe it was time to shut this down. I did not really feel like talking about what was going on much, I had been feeling pretty numb, and really a whole lot has changed. The whole point of this blog was to act as a way to express my emotions regarding the ups and downs of dating a medical student. Except I’m not really in the dating phase anymore…we are getting married in two months , and well medical school is ending. Actually, yesterday was Future Dr. B’s last real day of medical school to be exact.

Then I changed my mind, and I had thought that I would let this blog evolve into the craziness of match and what life was like moving and getting married etc. However, the unthinkable happened.

I had a post all ready for the weekend of March 18th. Anyone who follows medicine closely knows that all the doctors in the US match on this day. We had high hopes. Future Dr. B had gotten a ton of interviews, he had a great application, and did all the right things. Match day came, and we figured that this was our time. All of these posts that I had written about the uncertainty of our future – well this was going to change, because in my mind, Match day finally meant a certain future…one together.

Game…Set…Match (wait what?)

This was my reaction when we heard what was happening for Future Dr. B’s…well…. future. He wound up getting a one year position, when we had initially assumed it would be a 5 year position. Also, the position just happens to be in a city that is at least 5 hour drive from my current house.This also means that he needs to go back through match, he wasn’t going to be the doctor he wanted to be, at least for this year, and well yea…

Shock

More Shock

Tears

Numb

Obviously, from my own selfish mind, I was hoping that Future Dr. B’s match position would be close to where I live so we wouldn’t have as much of the hassle of moving and changing our whole lives around. I had not even stopped for a moment to think that there was the potential that he might not even match to what he needed to, to be the doctor he wanted to be. In all reality, the worst part about this match curve ball was that Future Dr. B was really going to have to go back through the match system again next year to be able to achieve his final goals of being a surgeon. This was just devastating to us both.

A few weeks have gone by, and we have realized that in some ways things have worked out better than they could have, given our situation. We are working on renting a house in the new town we will need to move to and my job is currently, potentially, letting me be flexible in my work schedule after the wedding. This will be wonderful because I might not need to leave my job even though I am moving 5 hours away. However, there is still a ton of uncertainty for our future. We have the chance of needing to move again after Furture Dr. B goes through the match next year. Additionally, this year is going to be our first year of marriage, and I am probably going to have to split my time from where he is and my current town for my job.

I had also had some career aspirations that I wanted to pursue that will have to go on the back burner…oh yea and somewhere in there I turned 28 so for some reason I am feeling pretty old to be doing all this craziness.

I decided I will keep this blog though because lo and behold, I am going to have a lot of uncertainty and plenty of things to talk about. If only I can find the time in all this madness. So here is to moving cross state, getting married real soon, first year of marriage woes, remote job craziness, and just the day to day.

My first wedding shower is this weekend, and I am looking forward to some positive excitement in my life.

Definitely…definitely more to come

It’s not just about him…residency match and dating a medical student

I’m not exactly sure where the time actually went this last time around. I had kept saying to myself that I was going to make an update before the holidays ensued. Yet here I am, almost the end of January, and I still have done no such thing. I realized though, for my own sanity, I definitely needed to make this update and start blogging more as a priority. I am going to prescribe myself at minimum a weekly dose of blog time. As much as I enjoy hearing from all of the other awesome “dating” “married” or “chillin with” a medical student friends, writing on this blog has been a way for me to relieve all the built up stress and anxiety that comes with the uncertainty of attaching yourself to a medical student. Attaching…hmm I think this will be my new term. I realized there are so many forms of relationships with medical students that dating alone doesn’t cover all of my bases. Additionally, since it will be Mr. and Mrs Future Dr. B in LIKE 100 days (gaahhhh), I felt like I need to start transitioning.

Anyhoo….

December and January were the months of interview season for Future Dr. B. This was both an interesting and trying time for me because the actuality of Future being just plain Dr. B is almost unbelievable. Dr. B got many residency interview invitations that often included inviting me along for the ride. I don’t know what the customary practice was, but I unfortunately could not attend many of his interviews because I had to hold down the fort (well my fort) and work. At first I thought this was for the better. I mean who seriously wants to stand around and talk about Ankylosing Spondylitis (yeah I totally understand what that means **wink**). Although in the end, while I did save myself from boring too long latin word speak, I did feel a bit left out of the process. I do feel like the resident match decision is a very mutual thing when you have “attached” yourself to this Future Dr. I very much appreciated that the residency programs do want to include significant others because it is crazy to think my whole future is going to change solely based on his job decision. So much goes into the match and much of it is out of anyone’s control. I feel like this is very different from any other profession, aside from maybe the military, because you generally get to factor your preference above all others. I think it was important that Future Dr. B and I critically think about each of the choices he was going to make interview wise before he puts them up as potential places of our future.

I found that the few interviews events that I was lucky to attend, I met many warm and interesting significant others along the way. The best thing about going was that the significant others totally got it. I mean like TOTALLY got it. I love my non-medically attached friends, and I myself am not medically inclined, but I feel like unless you live it in some way, unless you are attached to a medical school him or her, you just don’t truly understand how it feels.  I digress.

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Enjoying Post-Interview Bourbon

Interviews completely made me feel both terrified and excited all in one. I was so glad to meet some amazing people. It gave me hope that my transition with Future Dr. B will be smoother than I concocted in my mind, especially if we….I guess I should say I…should have to move far away from my safety net. There are so many possibilities of places we could be in June and for those of you who read this random blog…you know that Future Dr. B and I will finally be in one place…sighhh of happiness…just hopefully it isn’t so far and isolated we get sick of each other. However, I also felt like there is an intensity among residents and the programs that was much different than I expected. One candidate even had the gull to tell me that it was “all about him” referring to Future Dr. B and the residency match process. While the red anger built in my head, about to erupt through the top with cartoon like steam,I let it slide. I mean seriously? All about him? I only scheduled every one of his interviews and plotted out his road map to each destination on a color coded map. I have organized each program in an excel file by state, size, candidate types and “What does Janean think” column for good measure. It’s not just about him but about me dammit! I realized quickly though, I just needed to let that stuff slide. As long as Future Dr. B and I were on the same page, we could conquer this together.

In order to keep me from going nutty, I am looking forward to our wedding and spending most of my energy worrying about wedding stuff. Match day is seven weeks away (March 18) and it will literally eat me away with nerves if I spend too much time thinking about it. In a couple weeks, Future Dr. B will seal the envelope (well, fill out a webpage) with his 24 ranked residency programs. I will be chewing down every speck of nail till then, fantasizing what my life will look like this time next year.

Now can someone get me a Xanax please!