Liebster Award and Big Announcement!!!!

Recently, I was awarded the Liebster Award from a fun blog friend Born Into the Wild Life <—– go check her out. I am totally honored. The point of the Liebster Award is for fellow bloggers to nominated one another to encourage reading new and interesting blogs. I have been recently blogging a little more and am really committed to continue to share on this blog…it is both in my best interest (great mental boost), and I hope I have connected with some readers in the process. Below I have answered the questions asked of me by Born Into The Wild Life so that everyone can get to know me better. At the end I have a big announcement for this website!

Liebster Award Winner – Get to Know the Winner

1. If you could live forever, would you want to?

I absolutely love life. I would only live forever if everyone around me could live forever too. Being married to medicine, I know that birth and death is the natural cycle of life. However, if I could continue to just be 30, I would totally welcome that!

2. What did you have for your last meal?

My last meal would be the most amazing Neapolitan pizza around. I absolutely love authentic Italian pizza, and if I couldn’t eat anything else, this would be the last thing to grace my taste buds. Well, and maybe with some gelato for dessert.

3. Do you listen to anything when you shower? Or do you shower on silence with your thoughts?

Normally I just shower or bathe in silence. I enjoy thinking and relaxing in the hot water. If I were to play some music, say after a great workout, I would be blasting some old school rap. If I were trying to be mellow, maybe a little John Mayer.

4. Butter on bread, yay or nay?

Good crusty fresh baked bread is naked without some salted butter. A little discussed topic on my blog is my love of food. I really like it too much – not good for the waistline. Starting a meal with hot from the oven, crusty bread, and fresh salted butter, can’t get any better.

5. Do you have a party trick? If so, what is it?

No party trick here. I just generally like to socialize with friends and try to make them laugh at my bad jokes. I don’t have any of those crazy off the wall talents that people like to show off at parties. I can’t even curl my tongue or do crazy dance moves. I know, boring.

6. What do you normally eat for breakfast?

I’m super bad about eating breakfast. When I head to the office for work, I usually just have a trusty cup of coffee. If I am at home on a lazy Saturday or Sunday, I enjoy a good brunch spread. My husband’s favorite thing I make is anything with eggs. I sometimes do over easy eggs with cream cheese bags and fresh slices of tomatoes. I also use leftover veggies and potatoes to make an egg scramble. Always coffee though!

7. Do you think the afterlife exists? If not, do you hope it does?

I can only hope. At worst there is nothing, and at most, there is something. I tend to lean with the “something.” I grew up fairly religious. I am also fairly educated. I think there is a balance between tradition and knowledge. I go to church regularly and believe that there is something greater than ourselves.

8. Do you watch any TV show out of obligation and not because you actually like it?

Pretty much anything my husband wants to watch will be something I watch out of obligation. I don’t really watch a ton of TV. I mostly like light, reality TV if I am going to watch anything. TV shows on channels like TLC or watching Youtube Blogs would be my go to. My husband likes more intense shows. So if he is watching and I am there, it is out of obligation.

9. Is there a word you can never spell?

I am pretty bad at all spelling. When I was little, I had a difficult time with AWKWARD, until I made a little song up for it. Now I sing that song in my head every time I see or write that word.

10. What is your favorite fruit?

Cherries!!! or any berries for that matter. I could eat an entire tub of blueberries too. Love them!

So now that you have gotten to know a little about me, I am going to nominated a few of my favorite blogs in the coming days to participate in the Liebster Award.

Now for the Big Announcement……

My blog will soon be moving to datingamedicalstudent.com 

I know crazy! I am working to move everything over to the website just as it is here. Hopefully, I will also have a nice redirect widget that will help all my traffic move with me. If anyone out there has moved from wordpress.com to wordpress.org and has any advice or suggestions it is very welcome. Once the datingamedicalstudent.com is up and running, I plan to start vlogging and instagramming more as well. This will give me the flexibility to continue to grow the blog with more content.

Get excited! Please support me by following me there. More info to come in the next week.

We Made It!

Happy Anniversary to my sweet Dr. B. We made it two years married, almost 9 years dating and all through the changes of medical school and residency. It has been a roller coaster ride, but I wouldn’t want to ride it with anyone else. These last two years have been so nice because we are finally in the same place and spending time together. They have also been the hardest two years of our lives with so many challenges and changes we have had to endure – but we have done it together.

For anyone dating, engaged to or married to medicine, it is never an easy road. However, I can definitely say looking back, there have been more rewards in our relationship then pain. I love you Dr. B…..

Relationships with Residents

Dating a medical student is my blog namesake, but obviously my relationship has evolved past dating, and Dr. B has graduated medical school. I have actually been blogging since 2012, if that is even possible! Last I checked, medical school didn’t take 6 years  – then again, it sure felt like it did.

I figured I would take this time to explore relationships with residents a little further, since that is the season Dr. B and I are currently in on this journey to attending. Dr. B is on the eve of starting his third year of residency, but really his PGY 2 year since his first year was research block. Reflecting on the last two years, I have realized my life has been a whirlwind. I went back and read my first ever blog post titled “Medical School Girlfriend = Constant Waiting Game.” After thinking about that title, I realized this blog should really be called: “Resident’s Spouse = Alone in Empty House.” lollllz – I literally just laughed out loud. But in all seriousness, as much as I wanted residency to get easier, it comes with its own set of challenges. For Dr. B and I, residency meant we would finally be in the same place, living together, married. This was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, because just the idea of getting to spend time with him daily was a true treat. However, adding the benefit of being in the same place has also added the difficulties of a residents schedule. Dr. B has been on trauma rotations the last few months, and he comes home utterly exhausted. He eats dinner and hits the sack almost every night without so much as say two words to me. I feel so bad that he is that worn out, I don’t even protest. He only gets off 4 days in a month, and even those days I feel are meant for him to catch up on some much needed sleep, the kind he doesn’t get the rest of the month getting up at 4am and arriving home late into the evening.

For anyone who has followed this blog, I am a pretty independent person. So normally these maddening hours would just give me an excuse to throw myself into my hobbies, passions and friends. Moving to a different city for his residency has really thrown me for a loop, however. In the past, I had my sets of friends that I could easily hang with when he wasn’t around. In the city that we are in now, I feel like I don’t have enough strong relationships to have that same support system. In addition, we bought a house that has needed a fair amount of work. Doing a lot of these tasks alone adds to my general difficulties and loneliness.

Today was a good day overall. I need to count my blessings on days like today. I had an awesome lunch conversation with a newer friend I met during my MBA. I was also able to go to happy hour with a developing friendship I made during time at my last job. Today my social calendar was filled, and I was able to spend time cultivating new relationships. Yes, I am alone typing this blog. Yes, Dr. B barely has seen me this week. But days when I can laugh with friends over a marg and some guac are days that should be cherished.

I so want to love this time Dr. B and I have together. We are still newly married and our two year anniversary is only two weeks away. I sometimes kick myself for wishing away the days, and go back to my older blogs to remember the right way to handle this loneliness. I know I need to refocus and live in the moment. I need to enjoy being with myself. I need to trust that this journey does not come with a beginning and end, but an ever-winding path, with good turns and bad. I am happy to be 30 and in this season of life. My focus needs to be the good, not the loneliness and wishing for more. I’m just glad I still have a place to talk about these issues.

For anyone dating, engaged, married or in a partnership with a resident or someone with a resident  like career – how do you handle the time apart?

It’s a sign?

As many of you who have followed my blog in the past know, my work is pretty stressful. I usually focus a lot of my time writing about Dr. B, but in all reality my job takes a lot of my time and adds to a lot of my stress in the background.

When we moved this past year for Dr. B to start his residency, I took on an ever expanding manager role, working in the financial world. We had moved cities, moved homes, and started this new life. On top of the everything else, my job demands much of my time and is very stressful on a daily basis. I have been trying to compartmentalize all of the stress and get through week by week, however recently I have felt like I am at a breaking point. Dr. B is really starting to get busy, and I haven’t had the assistance of his help around the house much. To make matters even more interesting, we bought a new house and really put down roots in this new city.

Talk about stress level increase! Bam!

Anyways, I feel like I have been getting daily signs that it is time to take some sort of new journey in my career. I am not sure if other people feel this way, but with an overachieving husband in my presence daily, it is really hard to step back myself. I feel like I am already forgotten next to his contributions, as big as my own might be – including the major fact that I am totally the bread winner for this family – common people, that should count for something! Residency drama I know. But really the truth is, the internal struggle is real. Part of me says you should work these hours, have this prestigious job, and make all this money because you are smart enough to do it. The other part of me realizes that I have been sacrificing many things including my sanity, health and general happiness. Yes it is currently 12 am, and I am just wrapping up my work for the night.

If this isn’t a sign, I don’t know what is – A Toyota Commercial just came on as I was typing this blog, exclaiming – “you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do then by the things you did do.” Wow – did that give you chills like it did me. Goose pimple alert! Additionally, just the other day I read an article about taking a break from work to recharge and follow your dreams, on NPR that same day I heard about an accounting professional leaving her partner role to start a Yoga studio, and finally, I have noticed there are many people out there who are struggling with family or health difficulties outside of their control and these individuals find more self worth in what they are doing on a day to day basis even in their adversity. These observations have been life altering for me because I know I am in a situation that is unsustainable. I am just in a rock and a hard place as to how to dig myself out of this hole.

I have toyed with many options such as changing to a new job, taking a lesser role, quitting all together (I fondly call this flipping your desk) and taking on some crazy hobby.

Money is definitely part of my worry, but the other part of me thinks, I have worked so many years since college all for that next promotion, raise, just to prove a woman could do it in finance – am I letting myself down? Moreover, am I letting women down? Am I just not strong enough? Does saying to yourself, maybe stepping back for a second would be good for you – is that selfish? Can I stop comparing myself to everyone else?

What do I do? Or is everything I am seeing a true sign that I need to just jump head first and figure out the rest later. I really don’t know…

Dating a Stressed, Depressed, Burnout

I read this article today in US News and World Report. It was a true eye opener. For anyone out there in a relationship with a medical student, resident, or attending physician, we often encounter situations where our significant other is truly stressed, tired or depressed due to the demands of medicine. I usually try to keep this in perspective when dealing with Future Dr. B after he has a hard day. However, this article really reminds me of the difficulties our doctor or doctor in training loves really deal with.

During Future Dr. B’s second year of medical school, I could really feel the stress of it all weighing on his shoulders. We definitely had a difficult time that year navigating through a long distance relationship, coping with the demands of medical school, and all the added stress of day to day life.  I think for us, talking about it openly, together, really helped get us through that rough patch. I think for Future Dr. B, just having an outlet to express his stress and frustrations helped curb some of the anxiety that came with his second year in medical school. He did not just start expressing himself willingly, however. I think checking in on him and reminding him that I was there to sort through some of the tough stuff helped chip away at the tough facade. However, sometimes it is also tough for the the doctor’s significant other to continually take on the added responsibility for all that additional “heavy stuff” coming their way. I truly felt like I had enough of my own stress to sort through, added with a layer of Future Dr. B’s problems and worries and my plate was over full. Somewhere in there, there is a balance. I am convinced of this! Sometimes we have it in our relationship and sometimes we don’t. I think striving for that equilibrium is what will keep the relationship as healthy as it can be, especially knowing you will most likely fall somewhere in between.

Its tough being the one to bare the weight of the world, for both physical healer and soul healing partner. What a good reminder for each one of us to put the other person’s perspective at the forefront of ours and be there for each other!

Long Distance Perspective

It’s getting late, and I should be in bed. I am missing Future Dr. B because he has been away for the last week. Long distance is both difficult and rewarding. For one – I am going to be stretching out alone in my bed tonight – my favorite thing. However, I miss his presence and our before bed conversations when he is here. I hate to admit it, but it just isn’t the same without him.

My co-worker, who knows the ins and outs of my relationship with Future Dr. B and who has heard me complain, lament and gush over all aspects of the ups and downs of long distance, sent me an article about why being in a long distance relationship is a good thing. I read the article with a degree of skepticism. However, I couldn’t have said it better myself. I agree completely with the sentiments. I think the article highlights some of the positives that come with long distance. I have gotten a lot of comments from people out there, and have read many blogs, with similar long distance situations. For anyone nervous about their current long distance relationship, hopefully the positives in communication, love, and connection transcends the distance.

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A Review of Dating a Medical Student…Countdown

I am currently at the 6 month countdown to wedded bliss with Future Dr. B, and I figured this was a good time to do a reflective piece. There are lots of countdowns going on in my mind actually. Let me see..

  1. Until wedded bliss – 6 months
  2. Countdown until I know where I live (aka matchday) – roughly 3.5 months (March 18th this year)
  3. Countdown until residency starts for Future Dr. B, well rephrase – both of us really – 7 months
  4. Countdown until the car I bought Future Dr. B is paid for – 4 years 11 months (or 7 months until Future Dr. B has to start making the payments (got him lol)
  5. Countdown until I potentially could need to do all of the following: find a new job, new house, sell my house, move and uproot my life…well that is TBD in all actuality – somewhere between 3.5 months and 7 months.

The list of countdowns could honestly go on and on. Dating a medical student and/or marrying them involves constant changes and new developments. A couple years ago, I wrote my most popular blog post to date: Dating a Medical Student = Constant Waiting Game. Go check it out if you haven’t read it! The constant waiting game blog is really where the story started for me. I was just beginning to become truly serious in my relationship with Future Dr. B, and he was deep into his second year of medical school. I felt like I was always waiting around until he was done with whatever HE was done with. I made a pact with myself during that second year of medical school, that I could no longer view this journey with him as a waiting game and embrace my life for what it was – “living in the moment” if you will. I focused on ME for a time. In doing so, I began to formulate what I saw as a plan for OUR lives, what eventually evolved into a multitude of countdowns. I think I compensated for my lack of control over Future Dr. B’s schedule, which I felt had been defining my own life, by creating my own version of a timeline… or I should clarify – “countdowns”. The one thing I just recently realized though, is that the light at the end of the tunnel, or the end to the seemingly perennial countdown, is an oxymoron because dating a medical student is a continuous chain of countdowns – one beginning when the next one ends. What I had originally concocted as my happily ever after, my end to the “constant waiting game,” and the plan for how I controlled our relationship, really turned out to control me.

I had the “Ah hah” moment this weekend when I was having a pleasant and rare dinner out with Future Dr. B. It was a date night that was unplanned and a totally happy diversion from all the stress we are currently encountering. Future Dr. B was back early from one of his interviews, and we decided to hit the town with plans to have dinner at a local brewery. It was 7pm, and we walked into the restaurant ready to throw back a couple of brews and nosh on some hipster style hamburgers. When we approached the hostess stand to garner a table, she responded that they were no longer seating anyone else for the night. I was totally aghast, surprised that any local eatery would turn away patrons willing to wait. We never got a clear answer as to why the brewery could not take anyone else to eat, the strangest part being that they didn’t even take reservations either. I was perplexed to say the least. However, we wound up going down the street to an equally delicious eatery, imbibing on my favorite Christmas beer concoction and having a wonderful experience. [insert “ah hah” moment here] I realized, in that moment, that if I was always so calculated in my choices, if I always set these imaginary deadlines about what should be next, I would be missing out on the great experience tucked in the corner. Those just might be the events and choices that turn out to be the most fun in the end. Who knows?

Over the next six months, I have decided to let a lot of what I can’t control come as it may and enjoy all of these changes for what they are. I might not know where Future Dr. B will match for residency, where I potentially will live, what my job will be, or what my life will look like in general. This is sort of exciting and scary all at the same time.

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All of us – dating, engaged to, marrying, or married to a medical student/resident – let’s do this together!

Ahh – I’m inspired, I love when that happens!