Liebster Award and Big Announcement!!!!

Recently, I was awarded the Liebster Award from a fun blog friend Born Into the Wild Life <—– go check her out. I am totally honored. The point of the Liebster Award is for fellow bloggers to nominated one another to encourage reading new and interesting blogs. I have been recently blogging a little more and am really committed to continue to share on this blog…it is both in my best interest (great mental boost), and I hope I have connected with some readers in the process. Below I have answered the questions asked of me by Born Into The Wild Life so that everyone can get to know me better. At the end I have a big announcement for this website!

Liebster Award Winner – Get to Know the Winner

1. If you could live forever, would you want to?

I absolutely love life. I would only live forever if everyone around me could live forever too. Being married to medicine, I know that birth and death is the natural cycle of life. However, if I could continue to just be 30, I would totally welcome that!

2. What did you have for your last meal?

My last meal would be the most amazing Neapolitan pizza around. I absolutely love authentic Italian pizza, and if I couldn’t eat anything else, this would be the last thing to grace my taste buds. Well, and maybe with some gelato for dessert.

3. Do you listen to anything when you shower? Or do you shower on silence with your thoughts?

Normally I just shower or bathe in silence. I enjoy thinking and relaxing in the hot water. If I were to play some music, say after a great workout, I would be blasting some old school rap. If I were trying to be mellow, maybe a little John Mayer.

4. Butter on bread, yay or nay?

Good crusty fresh baked bread is naked without some salted butter. A little discussed topic on my blog is my love of food. I really like it too much – not good for the waistline. Starting a meal with hot from the oven, crusty bread, and fresh salted butter, can’t get any better.

5. Do you have a party trick? If so, what is it?

No party trick here. I just generally like to socialize with friends and try to make them laugh at my bad jokes. I don’t have any of those crazy off the wall talents that people like to show off at parties. I can’t even curl my tongue or do crazy dance moves. I know, boring.

6. What do you normally eat for breakfast?

I’m super bad about eating breakfast. When I head to the office for work, I usually just have a trusty cup of coffee. If I am at home on a lazy Saturday or Sunday, I enjoy a good brunch spread. My husband’s favorite thing I make is anything with eggs. I sometimes do over easy eggs with cream cheese bags and fresh slices of tomatoes. I also use leftover veggies and potatoes to make an egg scramble. Always coffee though!

7. Do you think the afterlife exists? If not, do you hope it does?

I can only hope. At worst there is nothing, and at most, there is something. I tend to lean with the “something.” I grew up fairly religious. I am also fairly educated. I think there is a balance between tradition and knowledge. I go to church regularly and believe that there is something greater than ourselves.

8. Do you watch any TV show out of obligation and not because you actually like it?

Pretty much anything my husband wants to watch will be something I watch out of obligation. I don’t really watch a ton of TV. I mostly like light, reality TV if I am going to watch anything. TV shows on channels like TLC or watching Youtube Blogs would be my go to. My husband likes more intense shows. So if he is watching and I am there, it is out of obligation.

9. Is there a word you can never spell?

I am pretty bad at all spelling. When I was little, I had a difficult time with AWKWARD, until I made a little song up for it. Now I sing that song in my head every time I see or write that word.

10. What is your favorite fruit?

Cherries!!! or any berries for that matter. I could eat an entire tub of blueberries too. Love them!

So now that you have gotten to know a little about me, I am going to nominated a few of my favorite blogs in the coming days to participate in the Liebster Award.

Now for the Big Announcement……

My blog will soon be moving to datingamedicalstudent.com 

I know crazy! I am working to move everything over to the website just as it is here. Hopefully, I will also have a nice redirect widget that will help all my traffic move with me. If anyone out there has moved from wordpress.com to wordpress.org and has any advice or suggestions it is very welcome. Once the datingamedicalstudent.com is up and running, I plan to start vlogging and instagramming more as well. This will give me the flexibility to continue to grow the blog with more content.

Get excited! Please support me by following me there. More info to come in the next week.

We Made It!

Happy Anniversary to my sweet Dr. B. We made it two years married, almost 9 years dating and all through the changes of medical school and residency. It has been a roller coaster ride, but I wouldn’t want to ride it with anyone else. These last two years have been so nice because we are finally in the same place and spending time together. They have also been the hardest two years of our lives with so many challenges and changes we have had to endure – but we have done it together.

For anyone dating, engaged to or married to medicine, it is never an easy road. However, I can definitely say looking back, there have been more rewards in our relationship then pain. I love you Dr. B…..

Relationships with Residents

Dating a medical student is my blog namesake, but obviously my relationship has evolved past dating, and Dr. B has graduated medical school. I have actually been blogging since 2012, if that is even possible! Last I checked, medical school didn’t take 6 years  – then again, it sure felt like it did.

I figured I would take this time to explore relationships with residents a little further, since that is the season Dr. B and I are currently in on this journey to attending. Dr. B is on the eve of starting his third year of residency, but really his PGY 2 year since his first year was research block. Reflecting on the last two years, I have realized my life has been a whirlwind. I went back and read my first ever blog post titled “Medical School Girlfriend = Constant Waiting Game.” After thinking about that title, I realized this blog should really be called: “Resident’s Spouse = Alone in Empty House.” lollllz – I literally just laughed out loud. But in all seriousness, as much as I wanted residency to get easier, it comes with its own set of challenges. For Dr. B and I, residency meant we would finally be in the same place, living together, married. This was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, because just the idea of getting to spend time with him daily was a true treat. However, adding the benefit of being in the same place has also added the difficulties of a residents schedule. Dr. B has been on trauma rotations the last few months, and he comes home utterly exhausted. He eats dinner and hits the sack almost every night without so much as say two words to me. I feel so bad that he is that worn out, I don’t even protest. He only gets off 4 days in a month, and even those days I feel are meant for him to catch up on some much needed sleep, the kind he doesn’t get the rest of the month getting up at 4am and arriving home late into the evening.

For anyone who has followed this blog, I am a pretty independent person. So normally these maddening hours would just give me an excuse to throw myself into my hobbies, passions and friends. Moving to a different city for his residency has really thrown me for a loop, however. In the past, I had my sets of friends that I could easily hang with when he wasn’t around. In the city that we are in now, I feel like I don’t have enough strong relationships to have that same support system. In addition, we bought a house that has needed a fair amount of work. Doing a lot of these tasks alone adds to my general difficulties and loneliness.

Today was a good day overall. I need to count my blessings on days like today. I had an awesome lunch conversation with a newer friend I met during my MBA. I was also able to go to happy hour with a developing friendship I made during time at my last job. Today my social calendar was filled, and I was able to spend time cultivating new relationships. Yes, I am alone typing this blog. Yes, Dr. B barely has seen me this week. But days when I can laugh with friends over a marg and some guac are days that should be cherished.

I so want to love this time Dr. B and I have together. We are still newly married and our two year anniversary is only two weeks away. I sometimes kick myself for wishing away the days, and go back to my older blogs to remember the right way to handle this loneliness. I know I need to refocus and live in the moment. I need to enjoy being with myself. I need to trust that this journey does not come with a beginning and end, but an ever-winding path, with good turns and bad. I am happy to be 30 and in this season of life. My focus needs to be the good, not the loneliness and wishing for more. I’m just glad I still have a place to talk about these issues.

For anyone dating, engaged, married or in a partnership with a resident or someone with a resident  like career – how do you handle the time apart?

It’s a sign?

As many of you who have followed my blog in the past know, my work is pretty stressful. I usually focus a lot of my time writing about Dr. B, but in all reality my job takes a lot of my time and adds to a lot of my stress in the background.

When we moved this past year for Dr. B to start his residency, I took on an ever expanding manager role, working in the financial world. We had moved cities, moved homes, and started this new life. On top of the everything else, my job demands much of my time and is very stressful on a daily basis. I have been trying to compartmentalize all of the stress and get through week by week, however recently I have felt like I am at a breaking point. Dr. B is really starting to get busy, and I haven’t had the assistance of his help around the house much. To make matters even more interesting, we bought a new house and really put down roots in this new city.

Talk about stress level increase! Bam!

Anyways, I feel like I have been getting daily signs that it is time to take some sort of new journey in my career. I am not sure if other people feel this way, but with an overachieving husband in my presence daily, it is really hard to step back myself. I feel like I am already forgotten next to his contributions, as big as my own might be – including the major fact that I am totally the bread winner for this family – common people, that should count for something! Residency drama I know. But really the truth is, the internal struggle is real. Part of me says you should work these hours, have this prestigious job, and make all this money because you are smart enough to do it. The other part of me realizes that I have been sacrificing many things including my sanity, health and general happiness. Yes it is currently 12 am, and I am just wrapping up my work for the night.

If this isn’t a sign, I don’t know what is – A Toyota Commercial just came on as I was typing this blog, exclaiming – “you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do then by the things you did do.” Wow – did that give you chills like it did me. Goose pimple alert! Additionally, just the other day I read an article about taking a break from work to recharge and follow your dreams, on NPR that same day I heard about an accounting professional leaving her partner role to start a Yoga studio, and finally, I have noticed there are many people out there who are struggling with family or health difficulties outside of their control and these individuals find more self worth in what they are doing on a day to day basis even in their adversity. These observations have been life altering for me because I know I am in a situation that is unsustainable. I am just in a rock and a hard place as to how to dig myself out of this hole.

I have toyed with many options such as changing to a new job, taking a lesser role, quitting all together (I fondly call this flipping your desk) and taking on some crazy hobby.

Money is definitely part of my worry, but the other part of me thinks, I have worked so many years since college all for that next promotion, raise, just to prove a woman could do it in finance – am I letting myself down? Moreover, am I letting women down? Am I just not strong enough? Does saying to yourself, maybe stepping back for a second would be good for you – is that selfish? Can I stop comparing myself to everyone else?

What do I do? Or is everything I am seeing a true sign that I need to just jump head first and figure out the rest later. I really don’t know…

Dating a Stressed, Depressed, Burnout

I read this article today in US News and World Report. It was a true eye opener. For anyone out there in a relationship with a medical student, resident, or attending physician, we often encounter situations where our significant other is truly stressed, tired or depressed due to the demands of medicine. I usually try to keep this in perspective when dealing with Future Dr. B after he has a hard day. However, this article really reminds me of the difficulties our doctor or doctor in training loves really deal with.

During Future Dr. B’s second year of medical school, I could really feel the stress of it all weighing on his shoulders. We definitely had a difficult time that year navigating through a long distance relationship, coping with the demands of medical school, and all the added stress of day to day life.  I think for us, talking about it openly, together, really helped get us through that rough patch. I think for Future Dr. B, just having an outlet to express his stress and frustrations helped curb some of the anxiety that came with his second year in medical school. He did not just start expressing himself willingly, however. I think checking in on him and reminding him that I was there to sort through some of the tough stuff helped chip away at the tough facade. However, sometimes it is also tough for the the doctor’s significant other to continually take on the added responsibility for all that additional “heavy stuff” coming their way. I truly felt like I had enough of my own stress to sort through, added with a layer of Future Dr. B’s problems and worries and my plate was over full. Somewhere in there, there is a balance. I am convinced of this! Sometimes we have it in our relationship and sometimes we don’t. I think striving for that equilibrium is what will keep the relationship as healthy as it can be, especially knowing you will most likely fall somewhere in between.

Its tough being the one to bare the weight of the world, for both physical healer and soul healing partner. What a good reminder for each one of us to put the other person’s perspective at the forefront of ours and be there for each other!

Long Distance Perspective

It’s getting late, and I should be in bed. I am missing Future Dr. B because he has been away for the last week. Long distance is both difficult and rewarding. For one – I am going to be stretching out alone in my bed tonight – my favorite thing. However, I miss his presence and our before bed conversations when he is here. I hate to admit it, but it just isn’t the same without him.

My co-worker, who knows the ins and outs of my relationship with Future Dr. B and who has heard me complain, lament and gush over all aspects of the ups and downs of long distance, sent me an article about why being in a long distance relationship is a good thing. I read the article with a degree of skepticism. However, I couldn’t have said it better myself. I agree completely with the sentiments. I think the article highlights some of the positives that come with long distance. I have gotten a lot of comments from people out there, and have read many blogs, with similar long distance situations. For anyone nervous about their current long distance relationship, hopefully the positives in communication, love, and connection transcends the distance.

© Copyright 2014 CorbisCorporation

A Review of Dating a Medical Student…Countdown

I am currently at the 6 month countdown to wedded bliss with Future Dr. B, and I figured this was a good time to do a reflective piece. There are lots of countdowns going on in my mind actually. Let me see..

  1. Until wedded bliss – 6 months
  2. Countdown until I know where I live (aka matchday) – roughly 3.5 months (March 18th this year)
  3. Countdown until residency starts for Future Dr. B, well rephrase – both of us really – 7 months
  4. Countdown until the car I bought Future Dr. B is paid for – 4 years 11 months (or 7 months until Future Dr. B has to start making the payments (got him lol)
  5. Countdown until I potentially could need to do all of the following: find a new job, new house, sell my house, move and uproot my life…well that is TBD in all actuality – somewhere between 3.5 months and 7 months.

The list of countdowns could honestly go on and on. Dating a medical student and/or marrying them involves constant changes and new developments. A couple years ago, I wrote my most popular blog post to date: Dating a Medical Student = Constant Waiting Game. Go check it out if you haven’t read it! The constant waiting game blog is really where the story started for me. I was just beginning to become truly serious in my relationship with Future Dr. B, and he was deep into his second year of medical school. I felt like I was always waiting around until he was done with whatever HE was done with. I made a pact with myself during that second year of medical school, that I could no longer view this journey with him as a waiting game and embrace my life for what it was – “living in the moment” if you will. I focused on ME for a time. In doing so, I began to formulate what I saw as a plan for OUR lives, what eventually evolved into a multitude of countdowns. I think I compensated for my lack of control over Future Dr. B’s schedule, which I felt had been defining my own life, by creating my own version of a timeline… or I should clarify – “countdowns”. The one thing I just recently realized though, is that the light at the end of the tunnel, or the end to the seemingly perennial countdown, is an oxymoron because dating a medical student is a continuous chain of countdowns – one beginning when the next one ends. What I had originally concocted as my happily ever after, my end to the “constant waiting game,” and the plan for how I controlled our relationship, really turned out to control me.

I had the “Ah hah” moment this weekend when I was having a pleasant and rare dinner out with Future Dr. B. It was a date night that was unplanned and a totally happy diversion from all the stress we are currently encountering. Future Dr. B was back early from one of his interviews, and we decided to hit the town with plans to have dinner at a local brewery. It was 7pm, and we walked into the restaurant ready to throw back a couple of brews and nosh on some hipster style hamburgers. When we approached the hostess stand to garner a table, she responded that they were no longer seating anyone else for the night. I was totally aghast, surprised that any local eatery would turn away patrons willing to wait. We never got a clear answer as to why the brewery could not take anyone else to eat, the strangest part being that they didn’t even take reservations either. I was perplexed to say the least. However, we wound up going down the street to an equally delicious eatery, imbibing on my favorite Christmas beer concoction and having a wonderful experience. [insert “ah hah” moment here] I realized, in that moment, that if I was always so calculated in my choices, if I always set these imaginary deadlines about what should be next, I would be missing out on the great experience tucked in the corner. Those just might be the events and choices that turn out to be the most fun in the end. Who knows?

Over the next six months, I have decided to let a lot of what I can’t control come as it may and enjoy all of these changes for what they are. I might not know where Future Dr. B will match for residency, where I potentially will live, what my job will be, or what my life will look like in general. This is sort of exciting and scary all at the same time.

imageimage

 

All of us – dating, engaged to, marrying, or married to a medical student/resident – let’s do this together!

Ahh – I’m inspired, I love when that happens!

Financial Stress of Dating a Medical Student

Future Dr. B has been away this week, traveling throughout the eastern half of the U.S. interviewing every day for a residency position. This has not only been exhausting to him, but has also been exhausting to me, as I have been trying my best to help him coordinate his schedule and figure out how to pay for it all. What I find the most nutso about this entire process is not only that Future Dr. B not only has little control over where he ends up (the U.S. match process which I am sure I will get into more in another post), but that he is forced to finance these interviews completely on his own without the help of the programs that he is interviewing with. I fondly call the interviews mini vacations for him, because he is jetsetting across the country on a daily basis. If we could all be so lucky! While I am half-heartedly joking about the vacation, I am very concerned about how all of these interviews are going to be financed and from who that money will come from.

Everyone told me that M4 was going to be the best year yet because Future Dr. B was going to have a lot more time when the stressors of clinicals passed. While I have seen more of him at times, I feel like this has been the most stressful year for me thus far. I’m not sure if it is the combination of the fact that shit just got real for everything. Not only am I going along on this crazy adventure in the same way I was as the “Girlfriend”, but now I have the added pressures that come with “Future Wife.” These stressors include determining if we are going to be financially stable in our marriage, and this is with the added expenses of his interviewing and our upcoming nuptials. On top of all of that, we don’t even live together, so I am constantly wondering if I should just pay for things he needs, like interview travel and assorted other expenses that come with his medical career, or do I put that burden on him as we are still two independent people?

I have sought a ton of advice recently from couples married for decades. How do you get around financial struggles, and what would be the best course of action to take in our situation? Do we split our accounts up? What about Future Dr. B’s loans? How do I pay for things while we are engaged? Does it make more sense for me to help him financially now because I am the bread winner, and he would have to put it on his loans? How do I protect myself since I am a working woman and have been saving every dime I have made for the last six years? Should I even worry about any of this?

Phhew…it is completely and utterly exhausting. I fall asleep to dollar signs floating out of my head, watching the money float away in my dreams. Unfortunately, I haven’t exactly gotten many answers that have been helpful from married couples I know. This isn’t because I haven’t met and spoken to some amazing married couples, including my own parents (30 years married and counting). It is more that I haven’t honestly met too many other people in my situation. For as much as I am connected in Brendan’s medical school community, we don’t know many medical school couples who have been long distance and are in different parts of their careers. I have found some wise information on the internet, including these awesome tips from lovingontherun.com: 7 Things I’ve Learned as the Wife of a Medical Student

However, I am still soul searching and seeking some great advice…If you have please let me know and comment below!

For now…

I have decided to help Future Dr. B in many ways financially and what I fondly refer to as administratively (I am his personal assistant after all). I figure we are most likely getting married (no bad juju here) and we need to start working as a team. As much as it has been difficult on me to carry both the financial burden and the future wife burden, it has definitely challenged us to communicate better and be open and honest about our financial situation. I am sure the coming months are going to be even more challenging as we find out where he is matched for residency and start making the BIG decisions such as: where we will live, what my job looks like following him to wherever it is we are going, and how we handle the massive pile of debt he has already amassed in his quest to becoming a doctor. Oh boy oh boy…so much more to write about….

Interview Stress…anything but the “Big Easy”

Future Dr. B is knee deep in scheduling interviews for his residency in Orthopedic surgery occurring over the next few months. I was hoping this time of year was going to be easy for us. For one, during interview season, he isn’t in class as much and a lot of his learning can be done remotely. I figured this meant that we would be spending some good ole’ quality time together. Boy was I wrong! This has been a super stressful time for us. With the wedding planning and the unknown of our future location, I have been feeling the stress much more than I thought. Deep Breaths…

© Copyright 2010 CorbisCorporation

I was thinking of a way we could just have a little “couple time”. I figured this would allow Future Dr. B to wind down a bit in between interviews and afford us the opportunity to just chill. I came up with this wonderful idea that I would book some cheap flights on Frontier Airlines to go to New Orleans (well Nola via Atlanta…we are poor) in the few days before Christmas. I checked all of B’s interview schedules and made sure that it appeared no other programs would book interviews, specifically making the trip very close to Christmas with the hopes it would actually work out. I assumed this was a safe plan because who would want to interview right before the holidays…right? Wrong…very very Wrong! Just last night, Future Dr. B got a very important interview…right on the day we were suppose to leave on our special Christmas NOLA trip. So much for Big Easy being Easy Peasy. I subsequently spent the next two hours on the phone with Frontier and Chase trying to make something work. Unfortunately, the flights cannot be changed at this point due to the fees and the flight schedule, so we are just out the money. Luckily I got a deal on the tickets. However, the most disappointing part of this whole problem is probably the most selfish – I was just really looking forward to have some control over what we did.

The worst part about dating a medical student, being engaged to a medical student, and trying to have a life around a medical student is literally having a complete loss of control. It wasn’t so much the loss of the money on the flights, or the fact that we will most likely being spending our trip on the road, driving across the midwest to get Future Dr. B to all of his interviews on time – I am really just selfishly annoyed that I can’t choose what I want to do when I want to do it. It sounds childish for sure, but it takes all of my power not to hold this against Future Dr. B. I totally know in my heart of hearts that this isn’t his fault by any means. I am so thankful we have made it this far under all of the challenges we have been under. Sometimes, however, I just want to do something for us…and for me…Shoot, let’s be honest, I really just wanted a hot beignet at Cafe Du Monde and to have 10 minutes of Future Dr. B’s time. Guess it will be driving south on 71 in snowy Ohio weather instead.

IMG_3582
Beignets

I think with Thanksgiving right around the corner, I am going to work on being thankful that B has way too many interviews versus not enough and that there is an end in sight. It might be a small bit of light…but I think I can just about see it. And in the mean time the beignets will wait and my wedding dress silhouette will thank me.

Time flies when you are dating a med student…

So I guess I should start by saying Hello! – again. It has been way too long since I updated this blog space. I was just reading through my previous posts and contemplating everything that has changed since the last time I logged on. I am kind of wondering where I went for awhile. This has been a great way for me to connect with others in the same situation as me. I saw how many great comments and responses I got to some of my posts during my long vacation from blogging, and I decided to come back! I think I am going to need everyone’s support now more than ever…as Future Dr. B is currently interviewing for residency…what!!??? and, oh yea he might have put a ring on it (insert very open smiley/shocked face here).

Hold up…Let’s back up before I get away with myself here. Let’s rewind a bit to where I left off. It was the eve of my 26th birthday and I had a lot to reflect on…a lot. I am now only a few months from 28, and let me tell you…I hate getting older. In between, I did a lot of working on myself. Future Dr. B was terribly busy at the end of his second year studying for Step 1 of the USMLE. This is about where I left off in this blog. That meant that year 26 allowed for a bunch of self exploration. I refined my hobbies, trained my precious, rambunctious pup Henry, and threw myself wholeheartedly into work. I wish I could say this point was better for both me and Future Dr. B, that everything was “easy breezy beautiful dating a future doctor world”…but trust me it was anything but. I think the distance, coupled with the relentless studying B was doing really made it hard for us to connect in our relationship at all times. However, by focusing on my other favorite person besides Future Dr. B, that is myself, it gave me time to work on the things that I needed to grow as a person. For that reason, the second year of medical school ended in a way I would not have predicted for myself…and that was – I was finally getting happy with ME. Future Dr. B on the other hand was very very tired, like fall asleep while you are standing in the grocery store line tired. Somehow we made it through to the other side…together.

Medical school year 3 started with the excitement of real medicine for Future Dr. B and a new team position for me at my job crunching some hardcore numbers. We had lots to talk about on the phone these days, with little time to do it given B’s crazy clinical schedule. I think M3 will forever be my favorite year of medical school for Future Dr. B because it was the first time I got use to the idea of him being a doctor one day. It gave me a glimpse of what was to come and the actuality that it might be manageable for our relationship and for his sanity. I am guessing he might have been feeling the same way because….On January 17, 2015, a cold long-weekend in the snowy midwest and in between a Friday and a Sunday clinical shift for Future Dr. B, he surprised me in the grandest way with a beautiful, sparkly diamond ring! I guess this is where this blog transitions from dating to potentially marrying a medical student. And yes – I did say YES.

#shitgotreal #FutureDr.andMrs.B

That is where the whirlwind present begins…in between long distance traveling to see each other…yes we still live in two different cities across the state, sub-internship’s in Orthopedic Surgery for Future Dr. B, B taking step 3 of the USMLE boards, the start of his M4 year, applying for 80 plus residency programs across the country, and all of this occurring with me just along for the ride, I still am in the process of finishing the planning of my dream wedding.

Now it is time to say hello again and see if anyone wants to join this super crazy journey with me. I’m scared to death what is ahead of me – I could be moving across states, getting a new job, selling my house, and moving Henry and myself on a journey that takes to the one person we both love the most – Future Dr. B. At any rate I am so ready for the close of this crazy story and the start of a new one….who is game?

The craziest part – I’m actually going to be marrying a doctor – Future Dr. B graduates the weekend before our wedding at the beginning of June.