Match Day isn’t the LAST day

Just a shout out to all my spouses, partners, family and friends of someone who found out whether or not they matched today – to those of you with great news the wait until Friday begins. Congratulations. Be thankful for this day, even though I know you are anxiously awaiting Friday.

To those who may have found out that they unfortunately didn’t – please hold your head up high and do what your future doctor needs – be there for them and support them. The SOAP just started and this next week they are going to need you more than ever.

To any of those who have been following my journey, I have some news…Dr. B matched. Long held breath just released.

To be continued…..

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Match Day 2017 – Tips to help keep you chill

To all those out there dating a medical student who is finishing up their forth year, match day is around the corner. This can be a particularly scary time because there are so many potential changes ahead.

I know first had how difficult match day can be. For anyone that has followed this blog, they know that my hubby and I had a particularly difficult match day last year. Things didn’t go exactly as planned, and well, we are reentering the match again this year. I am literally having nightmares going through this again. The what ifs and the wheres are just floating in my mind constantly. For every cheery face that is out there on Match Day 2017 there will be an equally fake smile or horrified look on the face of some future doctor and/or family that just found out a decision that they totally are not cool with.

For anyone out there worried about Match Day 2017, here are a few tips I have compiled from my first match day experience:

  1. Ride the Wave – There are so many things outside of your control – where you will be, what you will be doing once you get there, how will you move, do you have enough finances to sustain you, will you have friends there, what about a new job? The best set of advice I can give is just to “ride the wave.” Only worry about what you can control in the “now”. Leading up to match day, focus on your significant other, your job, your friends and family. Worry about all the other what-ifs the day after match.
  2. Be supportive of your Medical School Person – Whether you are romantically involved, family or friends of a medical school person, the best thing you can do is to be supportive of them. They need you now more than ever, because as much as you are feeling the weight of their burden, they are feeling it 10 times more. The amount of guilt they feel for putting family and friends through this life altering change is tremendous. I have talked to many medical school persons, as well as doctors now. Most of them saying the hardest part about match was letting down someone they loved. Let’s lift up these medical school persons and show them we support them through thick and thin, and matching to Podunk Missouri – whatever right? It’s an adventure?
  3. Take a moment to feel sorry for yourself – as the supporting person to your medical school person, you need to take a moment to mourn the match. Feel sorry for yourself for a few minutes. Wallow in the unfairness and lack of control you have. After you have taken a few minutes for yourself to curse medical school and all its atrocities, promptly get it together. Things could be worse. I’m sure your medical school lover, brother, sister or friend could come up with a laundry list of alignments that could have you knocking on heavens door.
  4. Get a back up plan – I wouldn’t harp on this one, but as a person who didn’t get the match experience a medical school significant other deserves, I would suggest at least lightly entertaining a back up plan in case your medical school person doesn’t match. Obviously they will need to go into scramble mode if this is the case. Just a quick summary – Monday of match week they find out if they matched or not, and Friday, if they did match, is when the location is announced. If for some crazy reason they find out on Monday they didn’t match, go into attack mode. Do not lose it – they need your support now more then ever. This is when you need to help them figure out next steps, and what is the right process going forward. They need you to be their rock as their world is melting down around them. Maybe have a back up plan just in case this happens. I doubt it will for most, but for the unlucky few, your medical person is gonna need the superstar you are in this moment.
  5. Be excited even if you aren’t – Just enjoy the match day moment with your medical person even if you are having a hard time with the day or the place you will be. This is an exciting time, even if only for the fact that your medical person will be starting their journey as a true doctor. For that we should all celebrate, no matter the circumstances. If anything at all, match is one step closer to the completion of  the uncertainty that is dating a medical student!

Things are looking…Up!

It has been one crazy week. Really nuts to even look back day to day. These last few weeks have literally been the longest days of my life, starting in mid-march with the match all the way to today as we figure out what is next. Even just a week ago there were a ton of unknowns. Where were we going to live, what was my job going to look like, should I sell my house, should we split this year up and live apart even after marriage, should we book a new honeymoon since we had to cancel ours, and finally…when was this all going to get done?

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I am happy to report that I have checked many of these “unknown” items off my list and am finally feeling comfortable with the idea of all of this change that is about to occur.

So let me break it down. Late last week we were in talks to rent a house near the hospital where Future Dr. B will do his research fellowship this year. Its a “days” drivable distance but still far from where I currently live. We weren’t sure what was going to happen, but luckily Future Dr. B was able to get out there and see the house since I could not make the trip. The housing market is  very hot in the city we are trying to relocate to and we have been having a really hard time finding a place that is both affordable and workable for what we are trying to achieve. I am really not being very picky, but after owning a home for 6 years, I had a hard time giving up a few luxuries – an in-suite washer and dryer being one of them. Trust me – I have sacrificed A LOT – give this girl convenient laundry!  #futureresidentswifeproblems

Additionally, I had my first of two bridal showers over the weekend. We made a thing of it and went down to see the house again together with our Moms. The house was a little rough around the edges, but I think it will honestly work out for what we are trying to accomplish in the next year. I must say, it is very weird to go from being a home owner for the last 6 years to negotiating a rent deal and being so reliant on others. Overall the entire weekend was lovely, and I was so happy to be able to spend time with Future Dr. B’s family and friends in honor of our upcoming nuptials.

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In addition to all this weekend fun, late last week I found out that the proposal I had made to work remotely at my current employer was being approved. I still have a ways to go to determine a finalized schedule, but I am happy to report that I now have an alternative to finding a new job in order to be near Future Dr. B. Breathe in and Ssssigghhh. Thank GOD!

To make matters even more AWESOME – Future Dr. B and I found out we were approved to rent the house on Monday. Cha ching…finally things going in our favor. At least he won’t need to sleep in a card board box for his first few weeks working.

Not to overwhelm with this overly positive post, but I just have to sit here and smile. Its like one of those making lemonade out of a big fat bag of lemons comments. At least something is going right for us even though we aren’t in the most optimal situation. This has hands down been the most difficult year of my entire life. Anything I even remotely complained about or prepared for could not have truly made me ready for the amount of stress and mental strength I would need to keep it together during this crazy time. I know there are still so many unknowns to get through before the wedding and this summers transition, not to mention this winters re-match, but I feel confident that at least some things are turning out in the right way.

We also booked a new honeymoon. Bermuda here we come. Might not be two weeks to Europe as planned…but hey – its pretty darn awesome to me!

Game…Set…Match…Wait What?

Oh what to say.

It has been a while since I posted on this blog. Part of me wondered if maybe it was time to shut this down. I did not really feel like talking about what was going on much, I had been feeling pretty numb, and really a whole lot has changed. The whole point of this blog was to act as a way to express my emotions regarding the ups and downs of dating a medical student. Except I’m not really in the dating phase anymore…we are getting married in two months , and well medical school is ending. Actually, yesterday was Future Dr. B’s last real day of medical school to be exact.

Then I changed my mind, and I had thought that I would let this blog evolve into the craziness of match and what life was like moving and getting married etc. However, the unthinkable happened.

I had a post all ready for the weekend of March 18th. Anyone who follows medicine closely knows that all the doctors in the US match on this day. We had high hopes. Future Dr. B had gotten a ton of interviews, he had a great application, and did all the right things. Match day came, and we figured that this was our time. All of these posts that I had written about the uncertainty of our future – well this was going to change, because in my mind, Match day finally meant a certain future…one together.

Game…Set…Match (wait what?)

This was my reaction when we heard what was happening for Future Dr. B’s…well…. future. He wound up getting a one year position, when we had initially assumed it would be a 5 year position. Also, the position just happens to be in a city that is at least 5 hour drive from my current house.This also means that he needs to go back through match, he wasn’t going to be the doctor he wanted to be, at least for this year, and well yea…

Shock

More Shock

Tears

Numb

Obviously, from my own selfish mind, I was hoping that Future Dr. B’s match position would be close to where I live so we wouldn’t have as much of the hassle of moving and changing our whole lives around. I had not even stopped for a moment to think that there was the potential that he might not even match to what he needed to, to be the doctor he wanted to be. In all reality, the worst part about this match curve ball was that Future Dr. B was really going to have to go back through the match system again next year to be able to achieve his final goals of being a surgeon. This was just devastating to us both.

A few weeks have gone by, and we have realized that in some ways things have worked out better than they could have, given our situation. We are working on renting a house in the new town we will need to move to and my job is currently, potentially, letting me be flexible in my work schedule after the wedding. This will be wonderful because I might not need to leave my job even though I am moving 5 hours away. However, there is still a ton of uncertainty for our future. We have the chance of needing to move again after Furture Dr. B goes through the match next year. Additionally, this year is going to be our first year of marriage, and I am probably going to have to split my time from where he is and my current town for my job.

I had also had some career aspirations that I wanted to pursue that will have to go on the back burner…oh yea and somewhere in there I turned 28 so for some reason I am feeling pretty old to be doing all this craziness.

I decided I will keep this blog though because lo and behold, I am going to have a lot of uncertainty and plenty of things to talk about. If only I can find the time in all this madness. So here is to moving cross state, getting married real soon, first year of marriage woes, remote job craziness, and just the day to day.

My first wedding shower is this weekend, and I am looking forward to some positive excitement in my life.

Definitely…definitely more to come

It’s not just about him…residency match and dating a medical student

I’m not exactly sure where the time actually went this last time around. I had kept saying to myself that I was going to make an update before the holidays ensued. Yet here I am, almost the end of January, and I still have done no such thing. I realized though, for my own sanity, I definitely needed to make this update and start blogging more as a priority. I am going to prescribe myself at minimum a weekly dose of blog time. As much as I enjoy hearing from all of the other awesome “dating” “married” or “chillin with” a medical student friends, writing on this blog has been a way for me to relieve all the built up stress and anxiety that comes with the uncertainty of attaching yourself to a medical student. Attaching…hmm I think this will be my new term. I realized there are so many forms of relationships with medical students that dating alone doesn’t cover all of my bases. Additionally, since it will be Mr. and Mrs Future Dr. B in LIKE 100 days (gaahhhh), I felt like I need to start transitioning.

Anyhoo….

December and January were the months of interview season for Future Dr. B. This was both an interesting and trying time for me because the actuality of Future being just plain Dr. B is almost unbelievable. Dr. B got many residency interview invitations that often included inviting me along for the ride. I don’t know what the customary practice was, but I unfortunately could not attend many of his interviews because I had to hold down the fort (well my fort) and work. At first I thought this was for the better. I mean who seriously wants to stand around and talk about Ankylosing Spondylitis (yeah I totally understand what that means **wink**). Although in the end, while I did save myself from boring too long latin word speak, I did feel a bit left out of the process. I do feel like the resident match decision is a very mutual thing when you have “attached” yourself to this Future Dr. I very much appreciated that the residency programs do want to include significant others because it is crazy to think my whole future is going to change solely based on his job decision. So much goes into the match and much of it is out of anyone’s control. I feel like this is very different from any other profession, aside from maybe the military, because you generally get to factor your preference above all others. I think it was important that Future Dr. B and I critically think about each of the choices he was going to make interview wise before he puts them up as potential places of our future.

I found that the few interviews events that I was lucky to attend, I met many warm and interesting significant others along the way. The best thing about going was that the significant others totally got it. I mean like TOTALLY got it. I love my non-medically attached friends, and I myself am not medically inclined, but I feel like unless you live it in some way, unless you are attached to a medical school him or her, you just don’t truly understand how it feels.  I digress.

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Enjoying Post-Interview Bourbon

Interviews completely made me feel both terrified and excited all in one. I was so glad to meet some amazing people. It gave me hope that my transition with Future Dr. B will be smoother than I concocted in my mind, especially if we….I guess I should say I…should have to move far away from my safety net. There are so many possibilities of places we could be in June and for those of you who read this random blog…you know that Future Dr. B and I will finally be in one place…sighhh of happiness…just hopefully it isn’t so far and isolated we get sick of each other. However, I also felt like there is an intensity among residents and the programs that was much different than I expected. One candidate even had the gull to tell me that it was “all about him” referring to Future Dr. B and the residency match process. While the red anger built in my head, about to erupt through the top with cartoon like steam,I let it slide. I mean seriously? All about him? I only scheduled every one of his interviews and plotted out his road map to each destination on a color coded map. I have organized each program in an excel file by state, size, candidate types and “What does Janean think” column for good measure. It’s not just about him but about me dammit! I realized quickly though, I just needed to let that stuff slide. As long as Future Dr. B and I were on the same page, we could conquer this together.

In order to keep me from going nutty, I am looking forward to our wedding and spending most of my energy worrying about wedding stuff. Match day is seven weeks away (March 18) and it will literally eat me away with nerves if I spend too much time thinking about it. In a couple weeks, Future Dr. B will seal the envelope (well, fill out a webpage) with his 24 ranked residency programs. I will be chewing down every speck of nail till then, fantasizing what my life will look like this time next year.

Now can someone get me a Xanax please!