Relationships with Residents

Dating a medical student is my blog namesake, but obviously my relationship has evolved past dating, and Dr. B has graduated medical school. I have actually been blogging since 2012, if that is even possible! Last I checked, medical school didn’t take 6 years  – then again, it sure felt like it did.

I figured I would take this time to explore relationships with residents a little further, since that is the season Dr. B and I are currently in on this journey to attending. Dr. B is on the eve of starting his third year of residency, but really his PGY 2 year since his first year was research block. Reflecting on the last two years, I have realized my life has been a whirlwind. I went back and read my first ever blog post titled “Medical School Girlfriend = Constant Waiting Game.” After thinking about that title, I realized this blog should really be called: “Resident’s Spouse = Alone in Empty House.” lollllz – I literally just laughed out loud. But in all seriousness, as much as I wanted residency to get easier, it comes with its own set of challenges. For Dr. B and I, residency meant we would finally be in the same place, living together, married. This was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, because just the idea of getting to spend time with him daily was a true treat. However, adding the benefit of being in the same place has also added the difficulties of a residents schedule. Dr. B has been on trauma rotations the last few months, and he comes home utterly exhausted. He eats dinner and hits the sack almost every night without so much as say two words to me. I feel so bad that he is that worn out, I don’t even protest. He only gets off 4 days in a month, and even those days I feel are meant for him to catch up on some much needed sleep, the kind he doesn’t get the rest of the month getting up at 4am and arriving home late into the evening.

For anyone who has followed this blog, I am a pretty independent person. So normally these maddening hours would just give me an excuse to throw myself into my hobbies, passions and friends. Moving to a different city for his residency has really thrown me for a loop, however. In the past, I had my sets of friends that I could easily hang with when he wasn’t around. In the city that we are in now, I feel like I don’t have enough strong relationships to have that same support system. In addition, we bought a house that has needed a fair amount of work. Doing a lot of these tasks alone adds to my general difficulties and loneliness.

Today was a good day overall. I need to count my blessings on days like today. I had an awesome lunch conversation with a newer friend I met during my MBA. I was also able to go to happy hour with a developing friendship I made during time at my last job. Today my social calendar was filled, and I was able to spend time cultivating new relationships. Yes, I am alone typing this blog. Yes, Dr. B barely has seen me this week. But days when I can laugh with friends over a marg and some guac are days that should be cherished.

I so want to love this time Dr. B and I have together. We are still newly married and our two year anniversary is only two weeks away. I sometimes kick myself for wishing away the days, and go back to my older blogs to remember the right way to handle this loneliness. I know I need to refocus and live in the moment. I need to enjoy being with myself. I need to trust that this journey does not come with a beginning and end, but an ever-winding path, with good turns and bad. I am happy to be 30 and in this season of life. My focus needs to be the good, not the loneliness and wishing for more. I’m just glad I still have a place to talk about these issues.

For anyone dating, engaged, married or in a partnership with a resident or someone with a resident  like career – how do you handle the time apart?