So I realized today…well maybe before today…that I am currently in a full blown Quarter-life crisis.
I have officially been a “grown-up” for four years. Initially, after college, I was on a new-money-acquired high. Shortly after that, I was still experiencing the euphoria of feeling important in my job. Slowly past that peak, I started to wain, but kept justifying my decent salary as happiness. This salary afforded a comfortable lifestyle including vacations, dinners out, and more things – shouldn’t this be happiness? Then I hit the wall – is my life really going to be like this forever? I get up go to work, sit at a desk, eat lunch, sit at a desk, leave work, clean my house, put in a work-out video, watch an hour of tv, talk to Future Dr. B, go to sleep, get up for work, sit at a desk, eat lunch, sit at a desk…..you get the point.
I find myself looking forward to the smallest of details to obtain my happiness now – “Yes! I have pizza for lunch.” However, I am finding it hard and harder to draw self worth lunchtime options.
I had read an article about millennial dissatisfaction in life (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wait-but-why/generation-y-unhappy_b_3930620.html). I thought maybe this was the answer to my Quarter-life dispair. Maybe I set the bar too high. Then again I was only setting the bar to lunch time food options so…. I dug deeper and discovered the source of some of these feelings – I know what you are currently thinking – Janean, you are so blessed – Decent job, roof over your head, time and resources for leisure activities! I am undoubtedly grateful for my current position in life. I’ve just realized that I had been dumping so much effort into trying to determine Future Dr. B’s future – What his med school grades are, how many weeks until his next test, should I cook him some meals to freeze, can’t go to this event with friends because this is the only weekend I can drive down to Dayton to see him because HE is so busy.
What about ME so busy? Do I want to go back to school? What about that law school degree that I always wanted to pursue. Maybe an MBA? What about writing a book? Wait! I want to take a cooking class?
I realized that I am always suppressing these thoughts because it is more about him than me every day. Don’t get me wrong, I love this boy. However, it is really hard being the significant other of someone whose path is already so clearing defined. Given the financial and time commitment that he has already invested in this future career as an M.D., it is hard to justify deviating to even entertain my aspirations. I don’t even think about my aspirations to come to think of it. And there it comes, the wave of anxiety.